Monday, January 03, 2011

Happy Birthday Sweetheart

Today you would be celebrating your 47th birthday. It would have also been the 5th anniversary of your diagnosis, that big day I was so sure if anyone could reach you could. They told you there was a 25% chance of surviving 5 years. I belived you would be the person who would not only survive 5 years, but much longer. As a toddler just walking you were so stubborn when a pull toy caught on a chair leg you would stand and scream at it instead of reaching down to move it. Somehow I believed that stubbornness would pull you through, but God had other plans for you. I know you're with Him, the cancer is gone, you're well and happy. It should be enough, but my heart hurts so deeply, it's like a wound that never heals. There was so much we never settled. It reminds me of the words in a Gaither video I've seen time and again, "We loved each other very much, but not so very well." I know that you've already forgiven my every failing, that's what Heaven is all about. I know God forgives our failings, but how do I live with them? Today I want nothing more than to be with you.