February is half gone
February has until now outdone itself with sunshine. It seems as though we have an umbrella over us as rain is falling in communities all around us. The Sierras are being hit with heavy snows adding to the water for next summers use here in the farming areas.Books have been my constant company of late as I've no resolution with the issue of my left hand not making a fist and being too painful to knit. I don't mind the change most of the time, but there are times I want very much to finish my granddaughter's blanket. She's such an understanding girl, with no complaint at all, but I see it next to my chair and the temptation is great, but also the pain is equally great.Hives have been a near constant foe this past week. It seems I've narrowed down the cause to a medication error, but will be visiting the allergist just to confirm it.Youngest granddaughter is now walking, it saddens me that we don't live closer so we can share these events first hand, but how wonderful it is that we have the technology to share them via the internet!
Happy Birthday Sweetheart
Today you would be celebrating your 47th birthday. It would have also been the 5th anniversary of your diagnosis, that big day I was so sure if anyone could reach you could. They told you there was a 25% chance of surviving 5 years. I belived you would be the person who would not only survive 5 years, but much longer. As a toddler just walking you were so stubborn when a pull toy caught on a chair leg you would stand and scream at it instead of reaching down to move it. Somehow I believed that stubbornness would pull you through, but God had other plans for you. I know you're with Him, the cancer is gone, you're well and happy. It should be enough, but my heart hurts so deeply, it's like a wound that never heals. There was so much we never settled. It reminds me of the words in a Gaither video I've seen time and again, "We loved each other very much, but not so very well." I know that you've already forgiven my every failing, that's what Heaven is all about. I know God forgives our failings, but how do I live with them? Today I want nothing more than to be with you.
One Year Ago Today
One year ago today Kathryn, you, my beloved first daughter died. When you did it was like a gnarled bony hand reached into my heart and ripped out a piece that was bigger than the whole of it. My mind tells me that your passing was in His perfect time, but my heart keeps saying “Too soon, too soon.” As surely as our parents, siblings, spouse and children each hold a special place in our heart, a piece of it is left empty when they are gone. Though your death was impending, still I was unprepared for a pain which would reach a magnitude so great and lay my heart so low. A raw open wound this huge should be visible, but the mirror tells me no one can see it.
In time the edges have become less raw, the surface less pitted and angry. Still there are days the hole is like an open pit mine left unattended after all its valuables have been stripped away leaving only raw earth and rock. Not a trace of the lovely jewels such as you which were once mined there remains. Another day the hole is like a heart, filled with beautiful pictures and precious memories of you. Yet another it’s like a knot hole in a fence board and the wind sings your name as it whistles through. Today it’s a wellspring, a wellspring of faith that I’ll see you again in Heaven. I’ll hang on to this wellspring as long and as firmly as I can, because in the blink of an eye, with no rhyme or reason, that hole can and likely will morph into that open pit mine or worse, the deep dark cave filled with self doubts and self incriminations about my abilities as a mother.
Only with your passing have I realized how much a part of me you have always been, regardless of how far away you were geographically, emotionally or physically. I miss you more than seems possible, and only the knowledge that you are no longer in pain, and the hope that I will see you once again in the hereafter gives me the strength to attempt to live as fully as you lived those days after your diagnosis.
Until we meet again know that I have loved you with all my heart and soul even when my words and actions didn't get the message through. I love you just as much today.
When I hear this song I sing it to you.
43 inches and still growing!
Cold weather has limited how much knitting my hands can take, but I've managed to finish the neck warmer to match the orange hat, and started a pair of fingerless mitts to match. One would think as much complaining as I've done about the Red Heart Sport yarn I'd have found another option for the mitts, but I figured I might as well use it up. I truly hope never to knit with it again.
On the softer side, the blanket for dear granddaughter is now 44 inches long, so it's officially two-thirds done. The picture was taken just before starting the last stripe I've been working on so it's grown just a few more rows.
Thanksgiving was wonderful with all the cooking done by the two daughters who were able to be here. It was the traditional meal with Turkey, dressing (with apples & cranberries in it - yum), jellied cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes & gravy, a dish with yams and apples in it. We contributed the rolls and pumpkin and banana cream pies, but not because I baked I just know where to buy good prepared foods .
Already we're thinking about the Christmas celebration. At least two of the girls will be here, and after talking to my daughter-in-law today I have high hopes that my oldest son, dil, and granddaughter will be here with us. That would be a wonderful treat! It would be nice to be able to see the light in our granddaughter's eyes when she sees her blanket. She chose the yarn so I know she'll be happy with the color, but she hasn't seen more than pictures since I was on row six or so.
That blanket isn't going to knit itself so I'm off to add a few more rows.
It's Growing !
The blanket for dgd is growing, though I must admit to mostly ignoring it the past week. It's about 36" done, so slightly over half done.
Also in progress is a scarf and a hat for others. The hat needed to be BRIGHT orange, so I'm using the only yarn I could find in the color I wanted and it's like knitting with rope it's so rough to the touch. I'm sure it will be fine when washed, but it's no fun to work with now.
Most of my week and weekend were spent trying to get some restful sleep, a commodity that I've found little of over the past few weeks.
It's 3:30 am, guess I'll head for the kitchen and see what I can stir up there.
More knitting after a short vacation
We finally got to take a quick trip to visit our oldest son since their return from a two year job in Belgium. Our granddaughter seems to have grown a foot and is showing signs of becoming a lovely young woman even though she has a few years before she'll hit the 'age' of being considered a woman.
While visiting, we bought yarn for a blanket as I've been promising this granddaughter a blanket for a very long time. In fact, yarn has been bought twice before, but it never seemed to work out. The first yarn was a boucle - my apologies to all the yarn companies who produce this type of yarn - I detest this yarn in all it's forms! Needless to say that blanket never got completed. Then I bought Caron Simply Soft in black and a rosy red, and I wasn't any happier with that as these old eyes tire quickly when working with black yarn . . . another.project.not.completed.
This time the yarn is an acrylic/cotton blend from Lion Brand called Baby's First . . . look how far it's come. I'm about 1/3 done. I'm 10 rows further than this picture shows. The colors she chose are Sea Sprite and Beanstalk, and aren't exactly true in this photo. I used a random strip generator to decide on the design, and she asked to have some garter stitch stripes thrown in so that is another design element. When complete it will be about 66" square.
In other fun news our youngest daughter got a three month old male St. Bernard puppy, subsequently named Havoc as he has wreaked havoc on previously peaceful existence. She had a St. Bernard for nearly 10 years until he died of old age recently leaving her devastated and lonely. Havoc has quickly adapted to her young cat and gleefully shares the cats toys. He is usually under foot and not more than three feet from his loving owner. In a very small house, that's not always a good thing as he seems to enjoy laying in front of the dishwasher or cookstove if she is in the kitchen. Life with Havoc isn't likely to be boring. His new playmate who is
scheduled to arrive this coming weekend, an 11 week old female St. Bernard should liven things up a whole lot! She's accepting quite a challenge with the two of them. But they'll be good company for her and for one another. The cat will be out numbered but he can climb higher than the dogs so he'll be fine. Havoc is very popular with our granddaughters who live a few miles away, and he gets along fine with their black lab too.
Other knitting news, a few hats and scarves have been completed. One hat needs a pom-pom on the top and the matching scarf has yet to be finished.
Just a couple of days into fall and a finished object as we knitters call them is ready to be worn. The Tofu Tee is the first piece of clothing I've knit for myself and it's definitely turned out well enough to give me the confidence to knit more sweaters for myself.
In addition to the three hats in my last post I also finished a fourth one made of that really bright yarn. Still there's enough yarn for yet another hat, but other projects are calling my name. Three projects will have to compete for time as there is a pair of socks that need the cuffs completed, our local county hospital has requested red baby hats for newborns for the upcoming holiday season, and finally the hooded scarf that was started last year for ddil needs to be completed. All are on different size needles which is great as that will give my hands a break from using the same muscles in the same position for long periods.
Last weekend we had a visit from youngest dd and three of her high school friends who we knew well in those days. It was wonderful to have dd home as we don't see her nearly enough. It was also terrific to catch up with all the girls as they've all scattered to different locations since high school.
We also have had several birthdays in our family this month, our youngest granddaughter turned one, another turned 14 and I won't tell how old the two daughters who celebrated birthdays are.
Have you ever gone to 5 Guys for burgers and fries? They're new in town so we thought we'd go for dinner last night. The service was great even though the line as past the entrance into the dining area when we arrived and two registers were manned. The burgers are tasty, but the fries took me a few bites to acclimate to the taste and texture as they're very crispy on the outside but rather mushy on the inside. Good but definitely not my favorite french fry. The price was definitely reasonable for the amount of food. However, yes, here comes the "but" - an hour after dinner my digestive system was having a vicious disagreement with my taste buds about what I had ingested. Unfortunately the digestive system won the argument, so a return trip is still in question.
Sitting here is not getting the Tofu Tee into the washing machine, so until next time happy knitting and God Bless.